Going out alone with one's fiancée (going on dates alone)

As we know, young men go out alone with their fiancée. They go out with her to the beach or to a mountain or to some other places to spend time alone with her.

Such a behaviour is not fitting for the saints, for promotes lust and moderate sexual activity, opening the door for fornication. Therefore you brothers, who are betrothed, take heed that you don’t go out alone with your fiancée; make every effort to be with her always in the presence of other people who know you, whether you are at her house or at the house of some other persons or in the open air.

It is written: “Flee also youthful lusts” (2 Timothy 2:22 – NKJV) and again: “Be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12 – NKJV). But if you conduct yourselves like the people of this world, that is to say, if you spend time alone with your fiancée (at home, in your car, etc.) you will not be able to keep these commandments, because you will give an opportunity to people to speak ill of you, you will rouse all kinds of suspicions, and you will lose your purity. How? By doing what is lawful for you to do only after marriage, that is to say, by petting and having sex. You may ask me, ‘Why is petting between two people who are engaged and love one another wrong?’ For the Scripture warns us to avoid any physical involvement with the opposite sex that excites desires which cannot be legitimately fulfilled, that’s why petting between a believer and his fiancée is wrong. Petting before marriage is a form of impurity, and we must not be involved in any impure acts (Galatians 5:19). Furthermore, petting usually leads to sexual intercourse, which is sin in the sight of God when it takes place before marriage. This sin is called fornication, and the Scripture states that those who commit fornication sin against their own body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:18).

For this reason a Christian man ought not to spend time alone with his fiancée, because he must avoid all these evil things.

I am aware that some raises some objections against what I have just said, so I want to reply to these objections.

The first objection raised is this, ‘On what basis can you state that I will certainly lose my purity by spending time alone with my fiancée?’ On the basis of what the Scripture teaches me, and of the experience of many people. The flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41), says the Scripture, and by spending time alone with your fiancée you will incite your flesh to perform acts which only husband and wife are allowed to do, that is you say, you will be tempted to act as if you and your fiancée were husband and wife, for you love one another, and sooner or later you will fall into temptation. What will happen if you pour out some fuel on a little fire? The fire will become a big fire, won’t it? What will happen if you scoop fire into your lap? Your clothes will be burned, won’t they? And what will happen if you walk on hot coals? Your feet will be scorched, won’t they? (Proverbs 6:27-28) Likewise, if you decide to spend time alone with your fiancée, you will sooner or later sin. Do not lean on your own understanding, lest you do yourself harm. Have you ever read that though Potiphar’s wife spoke to Joseph day by day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her (Genesis 39:10 – NIV)? Why did Joseph refuse even to spend time alone with Potiphar’s wife? For he feared God, and he knew that if he had spent some time with that woman alone, he would sooner or later fall into temptation. Well, you may argue, ‘That woman was not Joseph’s fiancée.’ That’s true, however the conduct of Joseph teaches us an important lesson, which is this: for a man it is very dangerous to be alone with a woman (in a room or in a car), who is not his wife. In other words, a Christian ought to avoid not only sin, but also the risk of sin. Therefore I am fully persuaded that a believer ought to avoid spending time alone with his fiancée, lest he fall into temptation.

The second objection is this, ‘I don’t care about what people may think of me and my fiancée, if we go out alone! People should mind their own business! Furthermore, people always think evil!’ Well, according to the Scripture, it is wrong not only to commit sin, but also to give the appearance of committing sin, as it is written: “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22). Therefore we, as Christians, ought to conduct ourselves always blamelessly in order to keep people from suspecting that we have committed this or that sin. But if people see or hear that you stay alone with your fiancée in your or her room/apartment till 2 a.m., they will certainly think evil, whether you sin or not. So, see to it that people have nothing bad to think or say about you. Do not ruin your own reputation for the desire of being alone with your fiancée. Wait, be patient; once you are married, you will have plenty of time to spend alone with the woman whom God has appointed for you.

Please note: In the light of the Scripture, petting is permitted after marriage, but must not include oral sex, for this sexual practice is unnatural

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