Painful
yoga, endless meditation before candles, hours of labor, empty fasts and undue
emphasis on community life that diminished individuality, made me realize
that I had joined one of the strictest religious orders for priests. When I
joined the order I did not even know the difference between secular and
regular clergy in the Roman Catholic Church. |
My family
was not Catholic when I was born in late 1965 and we moved to a home on a
farm around Gokomere Mission in |
Church
attendance was also compulsory. Our parents had to send us to every church function;
there was little distinction between church and family life. At times church
gatherings even caused a cancellation of primary through secondary school
activities. As a first grader I could not see a difference between home,
church and school because Sr. Paula and other church figures were so often
standing in front of us. The head of the primary school was a nun and the
head of the high school was a priest. Religious brothers or sisters made up
most of the staff in the schools. |
As I got
older, I wanted to become a Diocesan or secular priest. I was really
discouraged when there was no place for me at the Regional Major Seminary. I
ended up joining a religious congregation to be a regular clergy. Only after
I was in my fourth year as a second year novice at Gandachibvuva Mission did
I understand the difference. Secular clergy have more emphasis on academic
training and are assigned to serve in a parish within a particular diocese.
Order or regular clergy live in communities, have rigidly scheduled days with
long periods of meditation and extensive spiritual training. The Order of
Friars Minor which I had joined was one of the strictest in the austerity of
its compulsory practices. |
Novitiate
is a location away from the daily activities of ordinary life where training
continues under the watchful eye of a Novice Master for an average of two
years. This is followed by first profession before the bishop of the three
evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity and obedience. Juniorate follows
the first profession and is usually a period when one is to make final
decisions with the recommendations of all previous formators and with the
help of advisors. In the juniorate, each day with all humility, I reflected
on and re-examined my vocation. The three vows I had made to my superiors and
the Church were always part of my “MANTRA” which I repeated over and over
each morning as I woke up for meditation. They became my most pampered
treasures, part of the important sacramentals which separated me from the laity.
I thought they brought me closer to God. |
By the
time I became a scholastic, I was more religious and zealous about the Church
than when I first entered the order of St. Francis. Two years of being
exposed to long and convincing lectures on Mariology, canon law, religious
life and prayer made me more personally connected to the Catholic faith.
Little Catholic doctrine was clear to me as a Catechumen, but vague
principles taught to me in catechism class became clear during the years of
religious formation. I developed a stronger devotion to Mary and would say
the rosary even more than was required. I was truly religious, but far from
God. |
Most of
the Church’s teachings became part of my life. I believed that I had found my
home in the Roman Catholic Church. The novitiate helped me continue to
develop a personal relationship with the Church. A brief exposure to
apologetics during my Postulancy helped me articulate the faith in a more
informed way. |
The most
interesting part of my formation was my studies during the scholastic years.
For a Catholic to be fully involved in the life of the Church, he had to
participate in six of the seven sacraments (Baptism, Confession, Holy
Communion, Confirmation, Ordination, Marriage and Extreme Unction). Although
not explicitly taught, the sacrament of ordination is regarded as having the
highest qualities and being the richest in grace. In my heart I boasted that
it was added to my other sacraments and vows. I was therefore confident that
I could act as God with this sacrament that put my seat next to Christ. I was
a holy man, so I thought. I believed as Paul once did, that I was fully
qualified by my training and position. Like Paul, I was to experience a
blinding light that would expose who I was and what was really going on
around me. |
Not long
after my final profession I began to see some of the ugly realities of the
Church and myself. Little by little I discovered how difficult it was to keep
the evangelical counsels, especially chastity. I learned that some of my
seniors bought houses in the names of their relatives, some even in the names
of their children. “Was this possible, vowed celibates with children?” |
My grip on
the evangelical counsels was weakened by these discoveries. How zealous I was
before, how committed to the Church’s teachings, how deep-rooted in the
Decrees of Vatican II. Now it was like the whole world was collapsing in
front of me. How could so many inconsistencies coexist in the |
Together
with friends in my order who were even more exposed to some of these
misdeeds, I decided to survive in a personal way by minding my own business
as we had been taught in the Novitiate. However, during a visit to one of our
stations, I found myself getting involved with a girl. I tried to resist by
saying the rosary more often and confessing to my superior, but I failed.
Early in 1997, my lover brought me crippling news that shook my vocation. I
nearly committed suicide. |
My
spiritual director advised me to take the “safe” route by denying
responsibility -- a decision I changed when the baby was born. He was my son!
I was torn in two and my vocation was tasteless. My religious life was
hypocrisy. I had nothing to boast about any more. My holiness was gone; I was
no more a virgin! I was convinced that the Lord would not accept me in this
state or even associate with me. I confessed to my superior and was forgiven
by him, but I was guilty before God. My spiritual advisor told me to continue
with my religious hypocrisy. But, I could not. I was desperate to escape from
this burden of guilt and shame. |
Day after
day I participated more and more vigorously with a penitent heart in morning
meditation, the Mass, Friday adoration hour and prayer before the monstrance
(an ornate gold vessel which resembles a sunburst with the Blessed Sacrament
in it). |
What else
could I do since I was taught that cleansing myself
was my responsibility? I tried harder and harder. |
Little did
I know that even David, “a man after God’s own heart” after committing a
similar sin never thought the way I had been taught to think. He did not look
for a “father superior” to whom to confess his sins. Nor did David go around
trying to appease the Lord through good works or causing any pain to his
body. Instead he went directly to his Father in heaven, confessed his sin and
prayed: “Have mercy on me O God according to thy loving-kindness; according
to the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.” Psalm 51:
1 I did not know that a person who has believed on Jesus Christ as his Savior
can have direct dialogue with the Father without human mediators. “Even as
David also describeth the blessedness of the man, unto whom God imputeth
righteousness without works, Saying, Blessed are they whose iniquities are
forgiven, and whose sins are covered.” Romans 4:6-7 This biblical truth was
unknown to me in the Order of Friars Minor. |
Troubled
by my conscience for about a year, I decided to seek advice outside the
Catholic Church. A monthly publication I came across “by chance” changed my mindset
at a time when I was living such a hypocritical life that I was left with
nothing to defend. I did not know the Gospel; I was without saving grace. I
thought the Good News was that I could be restored to my earlier condition of
chastity. The article I read, “An Open Letter to the Church at the Time of
Ecumenism” intelligently exposed the falsehoods of Catholic teachings and the
deception of ecumenism. Although I did not really understand the content, it
had stirred me to write to the author and share the problems that were
bothering me. Even after the author had struggled to explain the truth of the
finished work of Jesus; the purpose of Jesus’ suffering to take our sins upon
Himself on the cross and make it possible for man to be reconciled to God, my
motive continued to be to merit God’s favor. After we did a few Bible studies
together, he helped me make a decision to join the woman who would become my
wife, and my child. |
It is
difficult to express in words exactly how I felt when these truths of the
Cross were eventually revealed to me right from my own Bible. Admitting that
I had dedicated my life for over ten years to a cause that had no meaning
would have been very difficult if it were not for the joy that I now had in
my heart. As I studied the Word of God with the man God brought into my life
through an article, I felt as though scales were falling from my eyes. It was
as if I was waking up to reality from a deep sleep. |
Almost
every Monday throughout 1999, I would phone him to ask a question or just to
pray with him. Then I would embark on a personal study of the Bible and the
verses he had given me. It took me nearly a year to understand the meaning of
such verses as: “For as many as are of the works of the law are under the
curse…” (Galatians 3:10) and “The just shall live by faith” (Galatians |
Jesus
Christ completely fulfilled the law; He fully paid my sin debt. I was not
credited with this payment for my sin until I had faith in Christ alone and
His all-sufficient death on the cross, burial and resurrection for my
salvation. This is also true for every person because the righteousness of
God is imputed to everyone who believes in the perfect cross work of His Son
(Romans |
In my
training in the Roman Catholic Church, I had been taught that salvation is a
transfusion of Christ’s righteousness by the sacraments. I know now this is
not true. God’s Word tells me that righteousness is directly credited to my
account when I believe in Jesus Christ. A material, physical thing cannot
give spiritual life no matter how mysteriously it is presented. God tells us:
“It is the spirit that giveth life; the flesh profiteth nothing. The words
that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life” (John 6:63). |
So strong is
Catholic teaching about the sacramental system that an eternal curse is put
on anyone who does not accept this dogma. “If anyone says that by the
sacraments of the New Law grace is not conferred ex opere operato (from the
work, worked), but that faith alone in the divine promise is sufficient to
obtain grace, let him be anathema” which means cursed or excommunicated from
the Church and without hope of reaching heaven (Canon 8 The Council of Trent,
7th S). |
My life as
a believer is also in complete contrast to the seven years I spent in the
Order. As a believer, I know that Jesus Christ loves me and that He is always
with me. When I am faced with uncertainties, I always believe He is there for
me. In the Order every need is supplied at its right time. Four square meals
are guaranteed each day, the faithful are always there to throw something
around you to keep you warm during winter and you go for months, even years
without knowing the price of most basic commodities. For every problem an
appeal is made to the diocese to provide all the answers to our problems. Now
for me it is a different thing altogether. I trust God for everything. And I
have learned by the grace of God to thank Him for everything, even the most
adverse of situations. My desire is to see God in suffering as well as joy as
I go through the difficulties of starting a new life. |
I do not
understand all the reasons for my fascination with Christ, but I know that He
will continue to reveal Himself to me. What I already have, the life I now live
in His grace and united with my family is sufficient to move me forward to
serve Him. He loved me not for anything in myself - I was a sinner, like
every person apart from Christ. He saved me not because I deserved it,
because like all men I deserved hell. Yet, God the Father declared me
righteous the moment I put my faith in His Son and this remains my position
before Him even when I sin. What GREAT News. How unbelievable that while I
was yet a sinner, He should die for me. |
After
about a year of study, prayer and preparation, I believe that the Lord is
directing me to reach out to the over one billion people imprisoned in the
devil’s false salvation of Roman Catholicism. However, my newly found
fellowship with believers also presents great discouragement. While I can
clearly perceive the unfathomable gulf between the Roman Catholic Church and
the true Church of Jesus Christ, I have come to realize with dismay that most
of my brothers and sisters in Reformed and Evangelical circles see very
little or no difference at all! |
It
terribly saddens me that while I and many others who have left the Catholic
Church sacrifice everything including relationships with family, prestige and
social security for the sake of the very truth that the Roman Catholic Church
opposes, other believers embrace Catholics as “brothers in faith”. They fail
to understand, as I once did, that without hearing and believing the true
gospel, Catholics are doomed to eternal damnation. Even more disturbing is
the signing of the Evangelicals and Catholics Together document by some
Evangelical leaders. What a mockery to the blood of Christ and of the 14th
century reformers upon whose sacrifices the Reformation stands! How can we
tread the path of truth in an adulterous unity through this worldly ethic of
expediency under the guise of unity? In so doing we deny the true gospel and
the Lord who redeemed us. “But there were false prophets also among the
people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who secretly shall
bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and
bring upon themselves swift destruction” (2 Peter 2:1). |
For most
of my life I never knew that my salvation was entirely God’s design. I had
not seen this truth through all my years of reading and study under Roman
Catholic teaching. My Catholic teachers and superiors had neither taught me
the true gospel nor led me to Christ. Rather, they had led me to themselves
and to the false belief that they were my saviors and the dispensers of
salvific grace. |
In
preparing this testimony, documentation of my priesthood was required. I
neither anticipated this need when I started my new life, nor could I have
anticipated how difficult it would be to obtain my records. After phoning Fr.
Gava, Dean of the Cathedral house where I had lived and where my records
would have been available, I was told that I should come to collect my
papers. |
When I
arrived at the house, the men I had formerly lived with fed me but acted like
I was a stranger. Fr. Gava was nowhere to be found. Three hours later he
called to ask if I were there; however, I never spoke with him or saw him
that night or the following day. Communication was controlled and my attempts
to make inquiries were shunned even by those who were so recently family to
me. When only insult and shunning were the result of a costly journey I had
been directed to take, it became evident that letters of correspondence with
the Bishop found in my books at home would have to suffice as confirmation of
my former position in the Catholic Church. |
Now Jesus
Christ provides the confirmation of my new position in Him. There is no
documentation determined by man needed to testify to my new life. The living
Spirit of God by Whom I was sealed at the moment I believed gives witness.
“The Spirit himself beareth with out spirit, that we are the children of God”
Romans 8:16. |
At present
I meet with fellow believers to worship the Lord together on Sundays and to
encourage one another to reach out more and more to Catholics. The Word of
God directs us and by His grace we prepare to share the Good News of
salvation in Jesus Christ especially with those who remain trapped in the
deception of the Catholic Church. We also look to the many warnings in the
Bible about false teaching and encourage one another to “earnestly contend
for the faith” (Jude 3) that we may “not be ashamed before Him at His coming”
(1 John |
|
Cuthbert
Dzingirai – |
|